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"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them,
for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor
forsake you."
- Deuteronomy 31:6
Sometimes life is scary. I think change and the unknown future are what we find the most fearful: loosing a job, moving to a new city, starting over after a messy divorce, finding out you have an illness, adjusting to life after the kids move out on their own, the death of a dream, or stepping out to grab hold of a new dream. Yep, if you weren't scared before reading this, maybe you are now! :)
God tells us repeatedly in Scripture DO NOT BE AFRAID. Kinda sounds like a commandment or an order, but it's so hard to obey this one because it's easy to be filled with fear. We live in the moment, making judgements and decisions based on what we can see and on the facts that we know - but God often places us in situations that force us to try to hit things we can't see with a stick that seems too short (hmmm, piñata anyone?). God's joy cannot survive in a heart filled with fear because real joy thrives on impossibly possible, supernatural risk-taking, overcoming, awe-filled, WOWZAH! loving, miracle expecting, child-like FAITH. And FAITH is all about believing in things that we can't see and trusting in God's promises despite what our circumstances tell us... fear kills faith like a swift smack kills a mosquito: quick, messy, and final.
"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
- Hebrews 11:1
Fear is paralyzing. Fear is overwhelming. Fear insists on being in control of all decisions thoughts, and actions.It causes us to give up, to turn back, to play it safe. Fear tells us that we can't trust anyone.... including God. People who are filled with fear are the hardest to give counsel to because no matter how much I encourage them or tell them that God has everything under control, they simply cannot believe it. This is why fear is not of God and why God commands us to stop being afraid.
My hubby and I recently took a road trip with my parents through the beautiful mountains of the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina and I had gotten it into my head that I needed to see waterfalls - and I mean I wanted to SEE them, be right up against the frothy, white-watered bottoms, at the foot of some really mammoth, sky-high waterfalls... And most of the hiking trail maps we found promised a beautiful water fall less than a mile down... that's a piece of cake right? Hmmmmmm.
Because they apparently love me more than reason and sound judgement, Warren and Dad decided to help my dream come true, and so we headed down a path to our first waterfall.
The muddy, rocky ground that rose up before us - otherwise known as "the trail" - was crowded on one side by the mountain and completely open to a rugged, sharp drop-off on the other (I like to call that side the "cliff of death"). The fantasy I had of enjoying the sites and sounds of nature as I leisurely picked my way along the stone path, evaporated in puffs of labored breathing as I hauled myself up, not daring to look up from my feet for fear of slipping off a rock or tripping on one of the many tree roots that just so happened to raise up right in the middle of the path. Instead of being amazed at the wonder of God, my head filled with the most disturbing images of my broken body crumpled at the bottom of the ravine. I gotta tell you, I was scared!
I had two choices: head back the way I had come or press on. At the very same moment that I decided to turn around, I heard the pounding rush of water.... there is no sound like it. Almost as deafening as a jet engine, it was a sound that I could feel beneath my feet, humming through my chest, like the ground and the air around me were alive with the flow of a powerful force.
And that's why I couldn't turn away. My face set towards that sound, I growled and grunted my way up and over a fallen tree trunk, slipping and sliding along as I gripped the roots that hung along the mountain side to pull myself forward. Suddenly, the sheltering arms of the woods that had engulfed me opened to a clearing dappled in bright sunlight, a fine mist hit my face almost instantly as I walked out onto a broad surface of dark, wet stone; and there some fifty feet ahead, rising like a bride on her wedding day, were the most beautiful waterfalls I have ever seen. A series of white capped falls spilled grandly out of a sheer rock face more than halfway up the mountain and over each turret it picked up more speed and spread out farther, falling in a sheet more than 30 feet wide into a crystal clear pool at the bottom. The pool emptied into several rapid-filled rivers that hurried past us and out of site.
I joined my guys as they stood by the great pool of water at the base of the falls, drinking in the site.
Dad looked at me and his face beamed with the biggest smile. That's when I realized I was smiling like silly, too, my face almost aching with the force of it. We had done it and every misstep and calculated risk was worth it.
Fear keeps us from experiencing those crazy, awesome "at the foot of the waterfall" moments in our lives. I have a feeling that many of us over the years have turned back or given up right before the sound of the waterfall could reach us because of fear.... I know there have been times I probably have.
There are dreams we have thought were out of reach, that we have insisted God has held back from us, but it in reality it is the hand of fear, worn like a glove over our own, that has paralyzed our fingers against reaching out for it. If we allow fear to control us, we cannot blame God or others, but only our own hesitant, doubting heart.
Overcoming fear is as simple as coming to Jesus - no more excuses, no more defensiveness, just placing all of the energy it takes to resist Him where it belongs - back in His arms. Then, fill your mind with the Word of God - His Word is alive and cuts out the sin and fear in our lives. Then, ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit, because His Spirit casts out fear. Put your faith into action by taking a risk today - make plans to take steps towards that college degree or that ministry or that move. Pull yourself ever closer to the sound of rushing water, press on, and don't turn back.
"My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen,
slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring
about the righteous life that God desires."
- James 1:19-20
"I can't fake it - I have to be true to myself and let these feelings out! What this person has done is so horrible, so bad, so hurtful, that there is no way anyone could expect me to act like nothing happened because that would be a lie!"
Have you ever felt that way? I have a feeling that you have. In fact, I firmly believe that all of us have felt this way at one point or more in our life.
Whether it's caused by someone unleashing their anger on you or by someone's actions igniting anger in yourself, there is something in our human spirit that impulsively rises up to defend oneself or lash out to hurt the person that has hurt us. The problem with anger is actually in that impulsiveness.
Impulsive behaviors of any sort are never good because they happen like faulty sticks of dynamite, BOOM! Out of nowhere, quick, unstable, unpredictable, they go off without notice or warning - Impulsive words and emotional outbursts are said without reason, thought, planning, judgement, or self-control.
Notice the importance of the words slow and quick in James 1:19-20 - we are to be slow with our words and with our anger, but quick to be silent and to listen. WOW! God is commanding us to go against our nature! Hold on, does this mean God is asking us to fake it? To hold our true feelings in?
YES. Because these impulsive words and actions, our anger, destroy us. Our anger lies to us, and is a reflection of our sinful, selfish old flesh that doesn't look like Jesus at all. Even when we truly are being mistreated, that doesn't change the fact that the source of our desire to retaliate is motivated by self. When Jesus was being beaten, bruised, mocked, and spit at, he practiced this ability to be silent: He said not a thing.
There is only one reason Jesus held back any anger or defense: He loved them that beat him, and He loves us. Now, Jesus calls us to do the same,
"You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR and hate your enemy.' But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so
that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His
sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous
and the unrighteous.…"
- Matthew 5:43-45
When we are mistreated, when we have been done wrong and believe we may have a right to be angry or justified in spitting out hateful, vengeful words at those who have mistreated us or made us feel angry, Jesus tells us in His own words to love them, to pray for them... and it is implied that THIS is an important key to being His children. WOW!
The power of the Gospel is that there are no victims - only quiet conquerors. By holding our tongue in the face of hurtful words, evil actions, betrayal, and anger, we allow the Jesus in us to triumph. For the moment it may feel as though we are frustrated, powerless, and down-trodden, but in the long term we are vindicated, defended by grace, and rewarded with peace, joy, strength, and wisdom.
Gossip feels good in the moment doesn't it? - to both the speaker and the listener, but after the deed is done and the two part ways, both parties have been robbed of Joy.
I love how this Proverbs 26:22 defines gossip:
"The words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels; they go down into the inner parts of the body."
Delicious morsels... I don't know what the Weight Watcher points for this would be, but anything that earns the title "delicious morsel" is probably super tiny and will take up all my WW points for the entire day! Another word, it packs quite a punch, tastes amazing.... and I will regret it later!
The latest gossip tastes good when we hear it because our sinful heart loves to hear about the tragedy and failings of others in order to puff it's self up and feel better. When we listen to gossip, we are actually feeding our sinful flesh. It reminds me of something my father has told people for years: "What you feed will grow, what you starve will die." If we listen to gossip, we are nurturing and growing the part of our selves that wants to destroy us - the part of us that wars against Christ in us - and we are starving that part of us that worships and recognizes the power of God in our lives.
Notice that the second part of that verse says that the gossip goes "down into the inner parts of the body." Very similar to how hard it is to loose that after-Christmas weight, it is much easier to listen to gossip then it is to purge our minds of it afterward. When listening to gossip, we may tell ourselves that we are simply being a good friend, that it doesn't matter that we have heard this unsubstantiated story, that at least we have only listened, it's not like we have said anything bad...we just listened, right? Now, substitute the word listened with the word ate.... see the problem? We are eating poison...taking those poisoned words deep into our heart, like pushing a thorn deeper into our skin.
I truly believe that none of us wake up in the morning and think to ourselves "I want to destroy my friendships, tell lies about others, and really mess up someone's life today! I want to be alone and have no joy!" Of course not, that would be insane! But our weakness for telling and listening to the wrong kind of story can lead us down a path that leads to exactly that unless we live intentionally, trying every day to be less like our old sinful self and more like Jesus.
But there is hope for all who have failed in this area - there is a way to get that joy back! Here's what Paul tells us in Galatians 5:16-18:
"My counsel is
this: Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you
won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful
self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the
free spirit is incompatible with selfishness."
Simply put: empty your spiritual pantry of all the junk stories and poison words and fill it with the good, healthy food of God's Spirit! Selfishness cannot live in the same place as the free spirit of God's presence - so if you are filled with God's presence, the other stuff will begin to move out.
Some practical ways to stock your pantry with good stuff:
- Re-evaluate your closest relationships and avoid friendships with people who are constantly talking negatively about others
- If possible, remove yourself entirely from situations, people, and places that are filled with gossip
- Ask the Lord to forgive you for any gossip you may be guilty of and ask Him to give you the opportunity to make it right
- When you are in a situation and someone begins to talk negatively about someone, change the subject or say "Why don't we go talk to them about it together?"
- Ask the Lord to make you an encourager and look for every opportunity to speak something positive into the lives of those around you
- Get involved in your local church and experience the fulfillment of being a part of a community that serves each other - outreach programs, events, serve as an usher or greeter, spend an hour a week assisting in a children's worship program, ask your leadership if there's any painting or cleaning or office work that needs to be done
- If someone hurts you, go directly to them about it first, don't go to anyone else. If this doesn't resolve the problem, go to your pastoral leadership for counsel
- Read God's Word consistently and talk to Jesus (prayer) often
Every day I tell my kids that they are beautiful, that they are smart, that they have been called to great things. I tell them this because I know that within each of us there is another voice that tells us otherwise, and I refuse to leave that voice unchallenged. I insist on drowning it out with truth.
I recently visited a Christian Bookstore looking for a gift Bible for a friend and I was shocked to see that the "Self Improvement" book section has grown larger than the Bible area - in fact, the only section bigger was the Christian Romance & Fiction area. So many of us struggle with accepting who we are, longing to be more, to be better, to be like someone else.
Why do we believe the voice within that tells us we are not "enough" and where does that voice come from? There is definitely a truth that I believe all of us can agree on: That negative voice is not from God... and yet, so many of us choose that voice over God's when it comes to how we see ourselves.
Two things I have observed that happen when we don't speak truth against that negative voice:
1. We begin to live a life of constantly comparing ourselves to others
We place ourselves on a chart and everyone in our world is either above us or below us on it. We give ourselves points if we can befriend people whom we consider "above us" on the chart and find ourselves resentful of the ones we can't get buddy-buddy with. We earn extra credit in our own eyes if we reach out to people whom we consider "below us" on the scale and pat ourselves on the back for lowering ourselves to someone else's level to befriend them. This is not pleasing to God.
When we compare ourselves to others there are two sins being committed: one against ourselves and one against those who are unknowingly being sized up by our judgement. God didn't make some of us more special and some of us not-so-special. He doesn't desire for us to look at others and decide how important and worthy they are - just as He doesn't desire for us to look at ourselves and determine our own value. But of course God knew we would do just that - which is why Jesus repeatedly tells us that the least will be considered the greatest in His kingdom, that our chart system will not be considered. In fact, He asks us to be like little children, who just wanna play and have fun together, they don't look at color or status or rank - they just want to play. That is what God desires.
2. Comparison invites greater sins to come in and rule our lives.
Awhile back, a woman sat in my office and cried in my arms at the loss of a deep and meaningful friendship due to her extreme jealousy of her friend's seemingly charmed life - in her opinion, everything her friend did succeeded, she was more beautiful, her husband was more faithful, her children were more loved, and she had more money... and as much as this
truly grieving woman yearned to go back and mend this friendship, she could not let go of her bitterness and jealousy... Comparison had grown into insecurity; insecurity into jealousy; and jealousy had grown into hatred, destroying the relationship.
Just like all sins, insecurities grow and fester and turn into huge thieves. They burglarize our heart and spirit, ripping out our joy and confidence in Christ. They take out our love and acceptance of others and put in their place some really nasty roommates: Jealousy, Bitterness, Hatred. Once these take root it can be quite a job getting to the bottom of the problem and pulling them out. The main reason it's so hard to remove them is that these sins cloud our judgement and reasoning ability - we see everyone through an unforgiving, unloving and self-preserving haze, and before we know it, we find ourselves rationalizing our resentment and anger towards others who have done nothing to earn it.
How Can We Overcome This Sin?
1. We must ask God to show us how He sees us
Each of us have different gifts, talents, skills, personalities, handicaps, financial resources, challenges - all of these are tools that God has given us to do and to be exactly what God has made us to do and be. What you may see as a flaw or a drawback, God may have purposefully allowed or given to you in order to accomplish something great through you.
Live long enough and you will face failure, disappointment, grief, financial crisis or physical illness at some point down the road. But if you know who you are in Christ, you will never look at the good fortune of others as a slam against your struggle, but instead you will be able to rejoice in the goodness of God no matter who it is poured out on and no matter what season of life your are in at the moment.
2. We must love others as we love ourselves
I like the way a little toddler told me once: "We are all God's favorite. He loves all of us the most!" God truly does love the homeless lady at the bus stop as much as He loves the man driving the bus parked there. He loves you just as much as He loves the business exec in the penthouse suite of the fanciest building downtown. He loves the stay at home mom just as much as He loves the teenager skate boarding past her window. He loves them all, they are each His favorite, and so are you. When we take the time to look around us and intentionally think to ourselves as we watch the people around us "God loves that person" we will realize a very important secret: The secret to loving others is in not looking at ourselves at all, but instead, striving to genuinely look at the other person and see the gift of God there.
3. We must ask the Lord to reveal these Joy thieves to us and kill them
Lastly, it's important to honestly ask the Lord "Help me to be satisfied with the gifts, talents, and situation that you have blessed me with. Help me to be glad and rejoice in the gifts, talents, and situation of others and to genuinely love each person in my life. Reveal to me the harmful attitudes that I may have and with your guidance, help me to remove them from my heart." The amazing thing about talking to an all powerful, loving God is that He cannot ignore a prayer like that! He most definitely will give you guidance and answer that prayer.
