How To Be Happy...REALLY Happy
First of all, I have to tell you that I am not an expert in happiness, but I do know how to have a meaningful, optimistic, long-lasting sense of security and hope for the future... and yes, on most days, a deep sense of happiness.
But I have had mornings when I pull the covers up over my head and fight my inner child who's crying her eyes out and wants to stay in bed rather than face the day. I've had to take deep, slow breaths to work up the courage before turning the door handle to walk into a room that I knew held nothing but trouble, heartache, and pain. And I have read the texts and status updates, received the phone calls and had the conversations that made my eyes well up with tears. I'm sharing this so you know that I am not promising this article as a cure-all for those tough days, but I am promising that if you can accomplish even 3 or 4 of these pointers listed below, you will experience many more happy days, you will be able to bounce back from the bad days faster, and in general, life will open up to you and you will indeed have an overall sense of well being and contentment.
1. Watch less TV - This one sounds like a no brainer, in fact I have a feeling we all know this is true. But after a long day at work it's just too tempting to plop down on the couch, grab some food, and binge watch that favorite show til 1am. Unfortunately, this can lead to difficulty falling asleep after you turn off the tube, overeating while mindlessly watching the screen, and it's been linked to depression. Escaping into a really good TV drama isn't bad necessarily, we all need time to de-stress and chill out, but habitual binge watching eats up valuable time that could be spent organizing, cleaning, building, creating, learning, bonding with family, and truly relaxing. Also, something that should be noted as Christians: A lot of TV shows contain explicit depictions of sex and dialogue about sex; graphic murder, torture, and suicide; and teach very ungodly philosophies of how to live, love, and relate to others. Any program that leaves you feeling unsatisfied with your life, spouse, or desiring a more worldly way of behaving is going to rob you of true happiness and is displeasing to God.
2. Stop Spending - Money is the often the reason for a lot of unhappiness. Spending is at an all time high in the USA, and it's not making us happier - it's doing the opposite. There is a chemical high that our brains experience when we purchase stuff, it's a pleasure response and we are all addicts to some degree. But the crash afterward, especially when we have spent more than we can afford, can be depressing and regretful. Debt is a silent killer of self image, friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, and a good night's sleep. It steals our security and our ability to live life to the fullest. Learning to live simpler and spend less will indeed bring happiness. We can still have nice things, but maybe fewer of each. Withholding things from yourself now, can lead to awesome adventures in the long term. It's amazing to me how many single people I know who make more than 30K a year but have never been to a destination more than 3-6 driving hours away from where they live, because of money issues. What a tragedy! A single person making 30K annually who saves even moderately would be able to afford a week in an exotic location easily... but instead, the funds are spent at coffee shops, mall stores, bistros, and movie theaters... and savings accounts are empty. Strive to be debt free - it may take a couple of years to achieve, but paying just a few dollars more than usual on a bill will bring you a sense of happiness and help you sleep easier at night.
3. Don't Burn Bridges - It is very important to be able to distance yourself from relationships that are harmful to your future or to your spirit, but it's also very important to make the distancing process as harm-less as possible, both to you and to the person from whom you are distancing yourself. I once knew someone who was moving far away and before they did so, they made sure to go to every person whom they had ever had a disagreement with and let them know exactly what they thought... It caused quite the uproar among this person's circle of acquaintances and many were hurt and offended at the harsh words shared, very much like a drive by shooting as this person sped away to their "new start." Several years later, the they moved back into town, in need of support and kindness after a tough situation, but too many bridges had been burned and they dared not show their face among the people who would have loved them and helped them, if only they had controlled their tongue years before. When a season ends, resist the urge to give advice, to "clear the air," to offer forgiveness speeches to every person who has hurt you, or whatever else you are tempted to say or do as you leave. Be sweet, explain yourself using positive and affirming language, and thank each person for what they have meant to you. You never know when God may put you back into that person's sphere of influence in the future. Like Thumper said in Bambi, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."
4. Learn from Your Past - As you read above, it's important not to burn bridges. That being said, it is vital to take personal notes after every experience - whether positive or negative. The mistakes of your past shouldn't haunt you or hold you back, but they should be a guide book to how you will make different decisions the next time around. A very good friend of mine had always been sexually active with her boyfriends before asking Jesus to be her Savior, so it became very important to her going forward that she not follow that pattern in future relationships. She became very adamant about this, and it not only kept her away from men who would have taken advantage of her but it also impressed and won the heart of a godly man who also desired to live for God, and he is now her husband. Another friend of mine always made friends quickly and within weeks, would be sharing her most intimate secrets with her new friend, only to be deeply betrayed or abandoned months into the friendship... Once she realized this destructive cycle, she asked the Lord to help her to guard her heart and to send her true friendships that would develop naturally over time, and He has (I'm one of them!). Our past can be a very good teacher of how important honesty, integrity, loyalty, and godly living are to our future. Don't get stuck in your past, but take what lessons you can and apply them now.
5. Don't Think About Yourself - If you are unhappy, chances are you use a lot of emotional and intellectual energy thinking of yourself, worrying about yourself, and nursing old wounds or fears from your past. Most of the unhappy people I know seem to be preoccupied with their future, their past, their love life, their weight, their mistakes, their career, their security, their image, their, their, their... While some of the happiest people I know seem mostly preoccupied with people and activities OUTSIDE of themselves: their community, church, family, the world, those in need. Happy people see fun and glory in very mundane tasks - I once had to plant a bunch of bushes in my yard and had two young men to help me. One of them scowled and complained and stomped around... and everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong! The other chatted me up with jokes and stories, and kept us laughing as we worked hard. Not surprisingly, he finished his work long before the sour puss. Also, happy people are talented people! Not because they are smarter or have more abilities than everyone else, but because they are curious about the world and wanna be a part of it, so they take chances, learn new skills, take classes, have crazy ideas, make new friends, read books, and also - most importantly - happy people fail. Sometimes, their ideas do not work, they don't finish a degree, they change direction if an idea isn't working... but it doesn't outweigh their successes, and their talents and skills increase.
Decide today to be happy - that's really what it comes down to: a decision. Get off the couch and play more! Sign up for a class or buy some paints or whip up some cake batter! Don't stop at the mall this weekend, but keep on driving right past it and go to the park and get some fresh air and have a good conversation with someone you love... you'll look back with a smile and that warm fuzzy feeling you'll have in your heart THAT is being happy.
Your Life Story
I've been thinking about stories lately, about our life stories and how not a single one of us has a story that is the same. We are each as unique as snowflakes, and our story is equally our own, unlike anyone in the entire history of the world.
... and we are not out here on our own, aimlessly dragged along by our story, without any say as to the plot twists and the outcomes. We have an amazing Editor and Chief, who is directing us and placing us in settings and adventures in which He knows our best self can shine through. He is carrying us to the end.
There will be those in your life who don't like your story; there will be those who don't understand it, who will take out their red pens and cross things out, rearrange events, or put their two-cents worth on it. Still others whom we have trusted will rip entire sections away,
leaving holes and gaps that we may feel are unable to be restored. We may even have decided at times to fire our Editor and Chief, to go it alone for awhile... it's my life, after all, I know what I want to do, say, be, I don't need His input, I'll write this chapter myself.
My husband is an amazing person: He works far more than 40 hours a week, commutes almost 2 hours away every morning and back again every evening, but he still finds time to load the dishwasher and he always (and I mean always) tucks our daughter in at night.
"Tucking her in" is actually not the appropriate description for what goes on when he scoops her up and hauls her upstairs over his shoulder. In our family, we actually call it "the hour of power." I and anyone else in the house can hear them giggling, screaming, grunting, jumping on the bed, talking silly, and then, the room grows quiet, the princess flashlight comes out, and we can hear their whispers as the two of them snuggle in and my husband's deep, soothing voice spins outrageous tales of cotton candy worlds destroyed by rain storms, ...sharp toothed dragons with burping problems, ...brave girls who travel the Amazon in tin-foil hats, ...frog princes chasing their dragonfly dinners with fork and knife in hand. My husband will turn over the story to her at times along the way, and I can hear her adding to the events, putting her twist on the adventure, asking questions and giggling at the answers they come up with together.
When my husband quietly emerges from her room, grinning ear to ear, he always kisses me and makes some comment along the lines of "how did we get so lucky to have a daughter so great?" And of course, we all agree and ask about what they were doing and what the story was for the night, and he happily recaps their father/daughter adventure. Sometimes the story is so loony, those of us who were not involved in the creation process don't get it, looking at each other with raised eyebrows, rolling our eyes,.. that's what had you two howling with laughter for the past 15 minutes? My hubby will shrug his shoulders, a twinkle in his eye, and say, "Guess you had to be there."
The writing of our life story is very much like that "hour of power" between my daughter and her father. We each belong to Our Heavenly Father, we are His most prized treasure. God is not too busy to get down into the dirt of life with us, instead it is His chief longing - to go through this life with us, up close and personal, to get His hands sticky with the mess of our real day-to-day story. God doesn't want to run our life story, treating us like puppets on a string, He desires to spend time with us, to develop the story together, to cry and laugh through every crazy twist and turn.
He has made you with talents, giftings, desires, abilities - and for every season in life, some of them may cease for a time, while new ones may pop up. God desires for you to step out in faith and grasp them, use them in your story. When a chapter comes to a close, that doesn't mean that your time is over or that your dreams and ministries have come to an end - it's time to begin new ones! Isaiah 43:18-19 expresses this perfectly:
Where are you in your story? Is Jesus your Editor or are you attempting to write it alone? Have you been hurt by others? Do you feel that you have no more chapters to write?
I encourage you today - God is not done with you yet! He is right beside you, pen in hand, ready to play, to listen, to weep with you, to heal, and yes, to begin a new chapter.
And there will be some who don't get it - they may raise their brows - but it's ok, this is not their story, and maybe this can help you to be more patient with the stuff in THEIR stories that make your eyes wanna roll! As you grow in your trust in Jesus, in His guidance of your story, when they take out their red pens, their ink won't stick... as hard as they pull at your pages, your story will remain, unfazed, intact. You will look at them with a twinkle in your eye, and with confidence in your Editor, turn to them and say, "Guess you had to be there."
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