How To Be Happy...REALLY Happy

First of all, I have to tell you that I am not an expert in happiness, but I do know how to have a meaningful, optimistic, long-lasting sense of security and hope for the future... and yes, on most days, a deep sense of happiness.

But I have had mornings when I pull the covers up over my head and fight my inner child who's crying her eyes out and wants to stay in bed rather than face the day. I've had to take deep, slow breaths to work up the courage before turning the door handle to walk into a room that I knew held nothing but trouble, heartache, and pain. And I have read the texts and status updates, received the phone calls and had the conversations that made my eyes well up with tears. I'm sharing this so you know that I am not promising this article as a cure-all for those tough days, but I am promising that if you can accomplish even 3 or 4 of these pointers listed below, you will experience many more happy days, you will be able to bounce back from the bad days faster, and in general, life will open up to you and you will indeed have an overall sense of well being and contentment.

1.  Watch less TV - This one sounds like a no brainer, in fact I have a feeling we all know this is true. But after a long day at work it's just too tempting to plop down on the couch, grab some food, and binge watch that favorite show til 1am.  Unfortunately, this can lead to difficulty falling asleep after you turn off the tube, overeating while mindlessly watching the screen, and it's been linked to depression. Escaping into a really good TV drama isn't bad necessarily, we all need time to de-stress and chill out, but habitual binge watching eats up valuable time that could be spent organizing, cleaning, building, creating, learning, bonding with family, and truly relaxing. Also, something that should be noted as Christians: A lot of TV shows contain explicit depictions of sex and dialogue about sex; graphic murder, torture, and suicide; and teach very ungodly philosophies of how to live, love, and relate to others. Any program that leaves you feeling unsatisfied with your life, spouse, or desiring a more worldly way of behaving is going to rob you of true happiness and is displeasing to God.

2.  Stop Spending - Money is the often the reason for a lot of unhappiness. Spending is at an all time high in the USA, and it's not making us happier - it's doing the opposite. There is a chemical high that our brains experience when we purchase stuff, it's a pleasure response and we are all addicts to some degree.  But the crash afterward, especially when we have spent more than we can afford, can be depressing and regretful. Debt is a silent killer of self image, friendships, marriages, parent-child relationships, and a good night's sleep. It steals our security and our ability to live life to the fullest. Learning to live simpler and spend less will indeed bring happiness.  We can still have nice things, but maybe fewer of each. Withholding things from yourself now, can lead to awesome adventures in the long term. It's amazing to me how many single people I know who make more than 30K a year but have never been to a destination more than 3-6 driving hours away from where they live, because of money issues. What a tragedy! A single person making 30K annually who saves even moderately would be able to afford a week in an exotic location easily... but instead, the funds are spent at coffee shops, mall stores, bistros, and movie theaters... and savings accounts are empty.  Strive to be debt free - it may take a couple of years to achieve, but paying just a few dollars more than usual on a bill will bring you a sense of happiness and help you sleep easier at night.

3. Don't Burn Bridges - It is very important to be able to distance yourself from relationships that are harmful to your future or to your spirit, but it's also very important to make the distancing process as harm-less as possible, both to you and to the person from whom you are distancing yourself. I once knew someone who was moving far away and before they did so, they made sure to go to every person whom they had ever had a disagreement with and let them know exactly what they thought... It caused quite the uproar among this person's circle of acquaintances and many were hurt and offended at the harsh words shared, very much like a drive by shooting as this person sped away to their "new start." Several years later, the they moved back into town, in need of support and kindness after a tough situation, but too many bridges had been burned and they dared not show their face among the people who would have loved them and helped them, if only they had controlled their tongue years before. When a season ends, resist the urge to give advice, to "clear the air," to offer forgiveness speeches to every person who has hurt you, or whatever else you are tempted to say or do as you leave. Be sweet, explain yourself using positive and affirming language, and thank each person for what they have meant to you. You never know when God may put you back into that person's sphere of influence in the future.  Like Thumper said in Bambi, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

4.  Learn from Your Past - As you read above, it's important not to burn bridges. That being said,  it is vital to take personal notes after every experience - whether positive or negative. The mistakes of your past shouldn't haunt you or hold you back, but they should be a guide book to how you will make different decisions the next time around. A very good friend of mine had always been sexually active with her boyfriends before asking Jesus to be her Savior, so it became very important to her going forward that she not follow that pattern in future relationships. She became very adamant about this, and it not only kept her away from men who would have taken advantage of her but it also impressed and won the heart of a godly man who also desired to live for God, and he is now her husband.  Another friend of mine always made friends quickly and within weeks, would be sharing her most intimate secrets with her new friend, only to be deeply betrayed or abandoned months into the friendship... Once she realized this destructive cycle, she asked the Lord to help her to guard her heart and to send her true friendships that would develop naturally over time, and He has (I'm one of them!). Our past can be a very good teacher of how important honesty, integrity, loyalty, and godly living are to our future. Don't get stuck in your past, but take what lessons you can and apply them now.

5.  Don't Think About Yourself - If you are unhappy, chances are you use a lot of emotional and intellectual energy thinking of yourself, worrying about yourself, and nursing old wounds or fears from your past. Most of the unhappy people I know seem to be preoccupied with their future, their past, their love life, their weight, their mistakes, their career, their security, their image, their, their, their... While some of the happiest people I know seem mostly preoccupied with people and activities OUTSIDE of themselves: their community, church, family, the world, those in need. Happy people see fun and glory in very mundane tasks - I once had to plant a bunch of bushes in my yard and had two young men to help me. One of them scowled and complained and stomped around... and everything that could go wrong, DID go wrong! The other chatted me up with jokes and stories, and kept us laughing as we worked hard. Not surprisingly, he finished his work long before the sour puss.  Also, happy people are talented people! Not because they are smarter or have more abilities than everyone else, but because they are curious about the world and wanna be a part of it, so they take chances, learn new skills, take classes, have crazy ideas, make new friends, read books, and also - most importantly - happy people fail. Sometimes, their ideas do not work, they don't finish a degree, they change direction if an idea isn't working... but it doesn't outweigh their successes, and their talents and skills increase. 

Decide today to be happy - that's really what it comes down to:  a decision.  Get off the couch and play more! Sign up for a class or buy some paints or whip up some cake batter! Don't stop at the mall this weekend, but keep on driving right past it and go to the park and get some fresh air and have a good conversation with someone you love... you'll look back with a smile and that warm fuzzy feeling you'll have in your heart THAT is being happy.

Your Life Story

I've been thinking about stories lately, about our life stories and how not a single one of us has a story that is the same. We are each as unique as snowflakes, and our story is equally our own, unlike anyone in the entire history of the world.

... and we are not out here on our own, aimlessly dragged along by our story, without any say as to the plot twists and the outcomes. We have an amazing Editor and Chief, who is directing us and placing us in settings and adventures in which He knows our best self can shine through. He is carrying us to the end.

There will be those in your life who don't like your story; there will be those who don't understand it, who will take out their red pens and cross things out, rearrange events, or put their two-cents worth on it. Still others whom we have trusted will rip entire sections away,

leaving holes and gaps that we may feel are unable to be restored. We may even have decided at times to fire our Editor and Chief, to go it alone for awhile... it's my life, after all, I know what I want to do, say, be, I don't need His input, I'll write this chapter myself.

My husband is an amazing person: He works far more than 40 hours a week, commutes almost 2 hours away every morning and back again every evening, but he still finds time to load the dishwasher and he always (and I mean always) tucks our daughter in at night.

"Tucking her in" is actually not the appropriate description for what goes on when he scoops her up and hauls her upstairs over his shoulder. In our family, we actually call it "the hour of power." I and anyone else in the house can hear them giggling, screaming, grunting, jumping on the bed, talking silly, and then, the room grows quiet, the princess flashlight comes out, and we can hear their whispers as the two of them snuggle in and my husband's deep, soothing voice spins outrageous tales of cotton candy worlds destroyed by rain storms, ...sharp toothed dragons with burping problems, ...brave girls who travel the Amazon in tin-foil hats, ...frog princes chasing their dragonfly dinners with fork and knife in hand. My husband will turn over the story to her at times along the way, and I can hear her adding to the events, putting her twist on the adventure, asking questions and giggling at the answers they come up with together.

When my husband quietly emerges from her room, grinning ear to ear, he always kisses me and makes some comment along the lines of "how did we get so lucky to have a daughter so great?" And of course, we all agree and ask about what they were doing and what the story was for the night, and he happily recaps their father/daughter adventure. Sometimes the story is so loony, those of us who were not involved in the creation process don't get it, looking at each other with raised eyebrows, rolling our eyes,.. that's what had you two howling with laughter for the past 15 minutes? My hubby will shrug his shoulders, a twinkle in his eye, and say, "Guess you had to be there."

The writing of our life story is very much like that "hour of power" between my daughter and her father. We each belong to Our Heavenly Father, we are His most prized treasure. God is not too busy to get down into the dirt of life with us, instead it is His chief longing - to go through this life with us, up close and personal, to get His hands sticky with the mess of our real day-to-day story.  God doesn't want to run our life story, treating us like puppets on a string, He desires to spend time with us, to develop the story together, to cry and laugh through every crazy twist and turn.

He has made you with talents, giftings, desires, abilities - and for every season in life, some of them may cease for a time, while new ones may pop up.  God desires for you to step out in faith and grasp them, use them in your story. When a chapter comes to a close, that doesn't mean that your time is over or that your dreams and ministries have come to an end - it's time to begin new ones! Isaiah 43:18-19 expresses this perfectly:

"Do not call to mind the former things, Or ponder things of the past."Behold, I will do something new, Now it will spring forth; Will you not be aware of it? I will even make a roadway in the wilderness, Rivers in the desert.

Where are you in your story? Is Jesus your Editor or are you attempting to write it alone? Have you been hurt by others? Do you feel that you have no more chapters to write?

I encourage you today - God is not done with you yet! He is right beside you, pen in hand, ready to play, to listen, to weep with you, to heal, and yes, to begin a new chapter.

And there will be some who don't get it - they may raise their brows - but it's ok, this is not their story, and maybe this can help you to be more patient with the stuff in THEIR stories that make your eyes wanna roll! As you grow in your trust in Jesus, in His guidance of your story, when they take out their red pens, their ink won't stick... as hard as they pull at your pages, your story will remain, unfazed, intact. You will look at them with a twinkle in your eye, and with confidence in your Editor, turn to them and say, "Guess you had to be there."

The Chase

"God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us.

Glory to God in the church!
Glory to God in the Messiah, in Jesus!
Glory down all the generations!
Glory through all millennia! Oh, yes!"

                                                                            - Ephesians 3:20-21

Sometimes I get tired of the chase that life can turn into - chasing after security, friendship, love, acceptance, admiration, respect, fullfilment - and I have to remind myself that God doesn't desire us to chase after anything or anyone but Him. In chasing Him, we keep our focus on His desires, not our own, and I have found that in keeping that my top priority, all of those things I desired end up either losing their importance or they fall into my lap when I least expect it, like a gift, and more than that: God has a way of giving me things, relationships, and character traits that far exceeded anything that I could have dreamed of for myself. That is what God desires for you, too.

This morning I cleaned house while my four year old played outside, the sliding door open so that I could keep an eye and ear on her. As I busied myself with laundry and dusting, I could hear her singing and chatting to herself.... and then, the sound mothers everywhere dread: silence.

I poked my head outside and what I saw was beautiful: my little one, wearing her PJ's and a princess tutu and tiara, biting her lip, brows furrowed in concentration, sitting in the middle of my yellow bell bushes. Four or five butterflies flitted above her, drawn by the irresistible nectar of the huge yellow blooms, and there she sat, very still, with both her hands outstretched together, forming a cup.

I tilted my head in wonder... what was she doing?... but I stayed quiet, caught in this silent moment with her. Suddenly the dryer buzzer went off and I went back to my chores, but within a few minutes, I heard the pitter-patter of toddler feet and knew my little fairy had returned.

Over lunch I asked her "So, what were you doing in the yellow bell bushes today?"

"I was catching butterflies, I love them."

Hmmmm... "Well, did you catch any?"

"Not this time - sometimes I don't get any,.. but sometimes I do, mama, and they are so beautiful!"

I smiled at my butterfly hunter, sweeping hair back from her forehead and told her, "I saw you sitting very still in the bushes... what was that about? You should chase them to catch them."

She giggled, covering her mouth with her hands, "That's not the way you catch them, mama - you can't chase them, you have to be still." 

What wisdom! My little one loves butterflies more than anything, and she had learned that the best way to interact with them was to be still, to wait and let them come.

I encourage you to do the same. How weary are you of running, grasping, striving? How successful are you at keeping it once you do get close?... and is it ever enough? 

Stop the chase, put your eyes on Christ, look to Him alone, be still and trust Him with your future, your security, your relationships.  Instead of tiring yourself out striving to make everything "right" - rest in His presence, reach your hands out to receive, and let Him bring to you the dreams you have and more, in His timing and in His way. 

Yes, there will be times when you will feel like the wait is long, and maybe there will be times when God says "no" - but in Christ there are far more "yes"s than when we flounder about trying to chase down the answers on our own. 

Blueberry Values

 Blueberries are very yummy and very good for you, but I never really thought anything of them til last weekend when I went blueberry picking with my Dad and Mom. 

Usually I would arrive with kids and hubby in tow, my hungry and happy entourage of messiness and noise. In fact, I usually wouldn't dare arrive without them - my parents always hug me tight when they see me, but I can feel them peering over my shoulder greedily, anticipating the sight of grandchildren - that most coveted of creatures to any grandparent!

But that weekend it was just me, and so my parents and I set out every morning for adventure - long drives down dusty dirt roads would lead us to rolling hills dotted with doe eyed cattle chewing their cud and noble horses tossing their manes. Walks through the garden led to sitings of bright red cardinals, spunky blue jays, and close encounters with bald eagles and osprey, and an afternoon exploration of a neighboring town took us quite by accident to a local "pick your own" blueberry farm.

I admit it, this city girl was very skeptical at first - it was hot and sticky out, I was of course wearing 3 inch wedges (duh! I had on boot leg jeans! Fashion dictates!) and the pails they gave us had to be filled completely, according to my Dad.  After a very long and treacherous (in wedges)  walk to what the farm hand called the "best patch out of them all" we settled in for an hour and a half rhythm of picking, sweating, swatting and eating (mostly my mom did that last one).

It was during this part that my view on blueberries began to change forever. My father doesn't talk much when completing a task - he is efficient and focused, mostly just grunting in response, can't waste time, gotta get it done - typical first-born child. But today, he was full of wisdom... and not just about berries.  At one point I made note of how full each bush seemed to be with ripe berries. "I don't think I could pick every single berry from even ONE of these bushes, Dad," I yelled out to him.  His reply, "You really shouldn't try to pick every single one, it would discourage those who will come behind you later."

Something in my heart warmed up right there on the spot - it was such a wonderful, toasty feeling that had nothing to do with the sun beating the sweat out of me at that very moment. It was the warmth of my heart telling me "pay attention - this isn't just about blueberries.. this is a life lesson." It was the warmth of being reminded of the kind of man my father is. What kind of man cares about those who will "come behind us later?" I'll tell you... my Dad. Admit it, most of us wouldn't have given a single thought to the next days' berry picking tourists - not that we would have purposefully and maliciously picked every berry on the bush, maniacally laughing like Ursala in the Little Mermaid "HAHAHA! Now you will NEVER pick enough berries for that pie you were going to make!!!! Buahahaha!!!"

More than likely, most of us... well, we wouldn't have thought of anyone else at all... just blithely go along with our pail and pick, pick, pick.... but not my Dad, he finds something amazing and good,... and he thinks of others, of someone else having the same joy we were having right at that moment.

Later that night, my Granny was about to make her famous dump cake, with our fresh picked blueberries!  As I sat back to rest my abused city feet, my mother called to me "You need to make the dump cake tonight, you need to learn how it's done, girl!" Ummm, excuse me? I usually just sit back and relax, until a warm bowl of the stuff is presented to me. Dump cake is a standard in my Granny's house - I've eaten more servings of  dump cake then there are episodes of every sort of Law and Order in existence (that's alot!)... and yet, I couldn't have told you how it's made.

Until that night. I obeyed every order, standing alongside Granny, as she leaned precariously on her cane like a bone china tea cup - fragile, beautiful, and made of the best stuff.  She and my parents showed me how to wash the berries without squishing them, how to freeze them without frosting them, and finally, it was just she and me, cooking berries, cutting butter, and mixing ingredients in the baking dish.

When it finally came out of the oven, bubbling and golden brown, I looked down at it with pride. Dump cake never tasted so good as it did that night! It wasn't until I lay staring into the darkness of their guest room much later that I realized another nugget had found it's way to me that day... ... I knew how to make our family's dump cake...Wait a sec.... I know how to make.. our family's dump cake!  I sat straight up in bed, eyes brimming with tears, smiling goofily into the darkness.  I just made Granny's dump cake.  It wasn't granted to me with pomp and circumstance in some grand cathedral ceremony and you wouldn't find it bequeathed to me in any will... but right there, in my mother's kitchen, a rite of passage had taken place. Granny had just given me an inheritance and it had less to do with berries and more to do with a piece of her that was now in me,  my hands could now move a little bit like hers, my kitchen could now pass on that bit of her to my children, and maybe one day, their children.

So, yeah, it's official, I love blueberries! Before last weekend, they never would have hit my personal Top 40 list of foods... but after that weekend, I'll never be able to see a blueberry without being reminded of some important values:  to think of others and to value joy enough to pass it on. 

 

Granny's Dump Cake Recipe

2 sticks of salted butter, thinly sliced into pats

2 cups of chopped pecans

3-4 pints of fresh blueberries (or your favorite fruit pie filling or frozen fruit)

2 cups of sugar

1 yellow cake mix

 Cook fresh berries on medium high til about to boil, remove from heat and mix in sugar. Spoon out the berries into a 9x13 baking pan, discard the liquid (it's ok if some of the liquid gets into the pan). Spread the dry yellow cake mix over the top of the berries. Place the butter pats over the entire top. Sprinkle with desired amount of nuts (it's ok to leave nuts off if you don't like them). Bake uncovered for 30-45 minutes at 350 degrees (until golden brown).

The Unlovely

"Who has believed our message? And to whom has the arm of the LORD been revealed? For He grew up before Him like a tender shoot, And like a root out of parched ground; He has no stately form or majesty That we should look upon Him, Nor appearance that we should be attracted to Him. He was despised and forsaken of men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief; And like one from whom men hide their face He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.… "
                                                                                   - Isaiah 53:1-13


It's interesting to me how people react to the way we look.

I especially noticed the difference one Sunday morning, years ago, when a guest speaker asked me if I would help him with an experiment... hastily I said yes, and that is how I ended up at church on Sunday morning, barefoot, covered in dirt from head to toe, hair tangled and matted with corn syrup, jeans full of holes and shoe polish, a t-shirt ripped and filthy... and as our guest speaker stepped to the podium to preach, I walked down the center aisle, across the front rows of seats, and sat right in the middle, at the front.

I could feel the heat rising on my cheeks, and I felt every eye on me. Our guest kept speaking, but what started as looks, turned to whispering that rippled over the audience... who is that? Lord help us! who let her in? should we get an usher? is this ok?

To my left sat a man who knew me well, I kept trying to catch his eye - I just knew if he looked in my eyes, he would know me, and that knowing would calm my nerves and I could relax a little bit and muddle through this queazy exercise... but his face remained stonily concentrated toward the speaker, not about to look my way. To my right sat a mother and her little girl, about 4 or 5 years old.  As I turned ever so slightly and peered hesitantly up through a matted tangle of hair, my eyes met the wide eyed, shamelessly open stare of that little one. Recognition flashed across her face and I was immediately rewarded by a knowing, tooth-missing smile, and just like that, my nerves disappeared - I was known.  She and I exchanged a giggle worthy moment, the only two in the room who knew what was going on... I winked at her, just as her mother pulled her closer and whispered harshly not to stare, and just like that, the spell was broken.

 The speaker eventually revealed the trick he had played on the audience, pointing out that the homeless woman on the front row was indeed their church's music pastor, and hopefully the lesson of loving the unlovely was learned by all.

As I read the verses above from Isaiah this week, the details of that Sunday came flooding back to me, and I had to ask myself, is that what Jesus faced every day? If we take Scripture at face value, then yes,  He did. The Bible tells us that Jesus had no where to lay His head, depending on the kindness of others for a place to sleep, probably spending many nights trying to get comfortable on the hard, cold ground He created; huddled against the wind and rain that He had originally set in motion at the beginning of time.  Dirty, poor, from the wrong side of the tracks, hanging out with teenagers, prostitutes, migrants, money launderers and beggars... looking humanity in the eye,  and quietly asking "Do you know me?"

I guess my question is the same - do you? Do you know Him? When Jesus was physically here on earth, many who professed to love God, to know God and His ways, completely missed that He was walking among them - in fact, many turned from Him because He was not what they expected or desired, He didn't look the part of a King - His message was too dirty, what He required was too costly... and still today, with all of our lovely arguments and philosophies and grown-up rationalizations, we have a hard time dealing with the real presence of Jesus, looking Him in the eye, and really knowing Him, because His message is still the same... Here's a few verses that speak about what Jesus requires of us who claim to know Him and love Him...

I John 2:6
Whoever says he abides in him ought to walk in the same way in which he walked. 

I Peter 2:21
 For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. 

Ephesians 5:1-2
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. 

John 13:13-17 - straight from the mouth of Jesus:
You call me Teacher and Lord, and you are right, for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that you also should do just as I have done to you. Truly, truly, I say to you, a servant is not greater than his master, nor is a messenger greater than the one who sent him. If you know these things, blessed are you if you do them. 

Jesus, the object of our love, the most precious, sweet, and freely-given Gift of God. Our Salvation from death. The Victor over and Defeater of our sin. The Soon Coming King and Creator of all Things... He became the lowest of us, to save us... and He asks us to become like Him.  Are you willing to become like Jesus to save others? Are you willing to become like The Unlovely to save the unlovely? Your answer is important because you cannot have the King without looking on and loving the Pauper.

"The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.' "   -  Matthew 25:40 

As Easter approaches, I encourage you... be like that child who stared openly and unashamed at me that day.  Look wide-eyed into the face of the Man who died on the cross for us, The Unlovely One, smile at the nail scarred hands that have redeemed your life, the hands of Our King, and answer His call... Yes, Lord, we will be like You, we will do whatever it takes, we will love the unloved, we will proclaim Who You Are, that none should perish. 

What I Learned from the Movie FROZEN

So, I have a 3 year old girl who wears fairy wings and princess dresses from the moment she wakes up. This of course means that I have seen the latest Disney movie 'Frozen' countless times in theaters and at home - I live in a house filled with the sounds of "Let It Go" and "Do You Want to Build A Snowman" and find myself singing 'Frozen' songs all day... Sigh! Such is the plight of living with a princess!

But it could be worse... From the first time we viewed this movie I realized that we had a winner and a movie that seems to be cut from a completely different cloth than the typical Disney princess movie.  After seeing it SO MANY TIMES, I started really seeing some morals lessons to live by. Maybe I'm just high on princess glitter paint, but here's what I learned from this movie...

1.  Fear will destroy you and those closest to you, holding you back from your destiny. Hiding from an issue doesn't make it go away or get better - instead it will isolate you from those who love you and would stand with you through the tough times. Living in fear leads to miscommunication and misunderstanding, but facing our fears with honesty and openness leads to deeper understanding...

2.  Just because you have a rare talent that makes you different and unique doesn't give you permission to "let it go" and disregard everyone else - this often leads to disaster, hurt relationships, broken hearts, and distrust... It's wrong to use the thing that makes you different as an excuse for bad behavior. Learn how to use your gifts and talents to help others, cuz you're gonna need people and they are going to need you.

3.  A romantic relationship is not the thing that will save you - you have to do that yourself first, and then you will be ready for love. Until you get to the bottom of your issues, deal with your baggage from your past, come to terms with who you are and love yourself, you will have a hard time judging character because you are desperate to be saved, wanting a relationship with someone else to fix everything.  This makes you vulnerable to wolves in sheep's clothing (aka those rico suave Prince Hans' out there).

4.  Some people are worth melting for... some are not, do you know the difference? Sometimes we need to let go of a person who is damaging us in order to keep ourselves healthy and whole - If someone is constantly draining you emotionally, using you up, never giving back, you need to re-evaluate the relationship and possibly cut off that relationship; and yet there are times when we have to love someone enough to fight for them and hold on to them even if it costs us a bit of ourselves. People who have invested in your life, who always have been there for you when everyone else abandoned you, who point you constantly towards God and towards growth, who make you a better person... these are the ones to melt for...Can you recognize the difference? 

5. When it is time and you are ready for a romantic relationship, don't look for it... cuz you'll probably pick the wrong one!  Let him or her find you along the path you are already walking.  BE YOU, DOING YOUR THING - you will more than likely run into "the one" there, already doing alot of the stuff you are doing, along the same path. He will not be a prince. He will be your equal. He will not save you, but he will walk with you through all of life's struggles and you will encourage each other to be better people :)

Yep, I saw lots of life lessons in Disney's Frozen, and I hope that even if you didn't see all that in the movie, you still know that the 5 life truths listed above are just that: truths.  We really should spend our lives trying to master those. Of course, the biggest lesson I learned? That three year olds don't care about life lessons, they just want someone to take the time to sit with them, eat gummies, and watch the movie together..... again, and again, and again.

Joy Thieves, Part 4: Fear

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."
               - Deuteronomy 31:6

Sometimes life is scary.  I think change and the unknown future are what we find the most fearful:  loosing a job, moving to a new city, starting over after a messy divorce, finding out you have an illness, adjusting to life after the kids move out on their own, the death of a dream, or stepping out to grab hold of a new dream. Yep, if you weren't scared before reading this, maybe you are now! :)

God tells us repeatedly in Scripture DO NOT BE AFRAID. Kinda sounds like a commandment or an order, but it's so hard to obey this one because it's easy to be filled with fear. We live in the moment, making judgements and decisions based on what we can see and on the facts that we know - but God often places us in situations that force us to try to hit things we can't see with a stick that seems too short (hmmm, piñata anyone?). God's joy cannot survive in a heart filled with fear because real joy thrives on impossibly possible, supernatural risk-taking, overcoming, awe-filled, WOWZAH! loving, miracle expecting, child-like FAITH.  And FAITH is all about believing in things that we can't see and trusting in God's promises despite what our circumstances tell us... fear kills faith like a swift smack kills a mosquito: quick, messy, and final.

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
                  - Hebrews 11:1

Fear is paralyzing. Fear is overwhelming. Fear insists on being in control of all decisions thoughts, and actions.It causes us to give up, to turn back, to play it safe. Fear tells us that we can't trust anyone.... including God.  People who are filled with fear are the hardest to give counsel to because no matter how much I encourage them or tell them that God has everything under control, they simply cannot believe it. This is why fear is not of God and why God commands us to stop being afraid.

My hubby and I recently took a road trip with my parents through the beautiful mountains of the Blue Ridge Parkway in North Carolina and I had gotten it into my head that I needed to see waterfalls - and I mean I wanted to SEE them, be right up against the frothy, white-watered bottoms, at the foot of some really mammoth, sky-high waterfalls... And most of the hiking trail maps we found promised a beautiful water fall less than a mile down... that's a piece of cake right?  Hmmmmmm.

Because they apparently love me more than reason and sound judgement, Warren and Dad decided to help my dream come true, and so we headed down a path to our first waterfall.

The muddy, rocky ground that rose up before us - otherwise known as "the trail" - was crowded on one side by the mountain and completely open to a rugged, sharp drop-off on the other (I like to call that side the "cliff of death"). The fantasy I had of enjoying the sites and sounds of nature as I leisurely picked my way along the stone path, evaporated in puffs of labored breathing as I hauled myself up, not daring to look up from my feet for fear of slipping off a rock or tripping on one of the many tree roots that just so happened to raise up right in the middle of the path.  Instead of being amazed at the wonder of God, my head filled with the most disturbing images of my broken body crumpled at the bottom of the ravine. I gotta tell you, I was scared!

I had two choices: head back the way I had come or press on. At the very same moment that I decided to turn around, I heard the pounding rush of water.... there is no sound like it. Almost as deafening as a jet engine, it was a sound that I could feel beneath my feet, humming through my chest, like the ground and the air around me were alive with the flow of a powerful force.

And that's why I couldn't turn away.  My face set towards that sound, I growled and grunted my way up and over a fallen tree trunk, slipping and sliding along as I gripped the roots that hung along the mountain side to pull myself forward. Suddenly,  the sheltering arms of the woods that had engulfed me opened to a clearing dappled in bright sunlight, a fine mist hit my face almost instantly as I walked out onto a broad surface of dark, wet stone; and there some fifty feet ahead, rising like a bride on her wedding day, were the most beautiful waterfalls I have ever seen. A series of white capped falls spilled grandly out of a sheer rock face more than halfway up the mountain and over each turret it picked up more speed and spread out farther, falling in a sheet more than 30 feet wide into a crystal clear pool at the bottom. The pool emptied into several rapid-filled rivers that hurried past us and out of site.

I joined my guys as they stood by the great pool of water at the base of the falls, drinking in the site.
 Dad looked at me and his face beamed with the biggest smile. That's when I realized I was smiling like silly, too, my face almost aching with the force of it. We had done it and every misstep and calculated risk was worth it.

Fear keeps us from experiencing those crazy, awesome "at the foot of the waterfall" moments in our lives. I have a feeling that many of us over the years have turned back or given up right before the sound of the waterfall could reach us because of fear.... I know there have been times I probably have.

There are dreams we have thought were out of reach, that we have insisted God has held back from us, but it in reality it is the hand of fear, worn like a glove over our own, that has paralyzed our fingers against reaching out for it.  If we allow fear to control us, we cannot blame God or others, but only our own hesitant, doubting heart.

Overcoming fear is as simple as coming to Jesus - no more excuses, no more defensiveness, just placing all of the energy it takes to resist Him where it belongs - back in His arms. Then, fill your mind with the Word of God - His Word is alive and cuts out the sin and fear in our lives. Then, ask God to fill you with His Holy Spirit, because His Spirit casts out fear.  Put your faith into action by taking a risk today - make plans to take steps towards that college degree or that ministry or that move.  Pull yourself ever closer to the sound of rushing water, press on, and don't turn back.